How to Grieve the Loss of a Pet (In Ways Most Guides Overlook)

Most articles on pet loss offer comfort. And while that’s important, they tend to stop short. They give you 5 stages and a list of coping tips, but not much for the messy, complicated emotions that linger long after the goodbye.

This guide is different. We’ll explore 6 often-overlooked aspects of grieving a pet, starting with how grief actually behaves, and the hidden complications that make it harder than you expect.

TL;DR

I always tell people that I cried more when I lost my 21 year old cat that I’d had since I was 7, then I did when my dad died of cancer 6 months later.  I didn’t understand it at the time and in fact I felt guilty about it, but having been in deathcare now for many years I finally feel like I have some perspective.  Mostly, I know these feelings are normal and in fact, common.

Grieving a pet doesn’t follow a straight line. And it’s not always visible from the outside. This guide walks through 6 often-missed parts of the grieving process, including:

Grief is layered, not staged: you might feel relief and guilt at the same time, or numb for weeks before the tears come.

The loss runs deeper than it seems: because pets aren’t just animals; they’re part of your daily rhythm, your emotional safety net, and your identity.

Grief hits differently depending on who you are: a child, a solo adult, or someone with little outside support all need different kinds of care.

Moving forward may feel impossible but even small acts of care (like taking a short walk or writing down memories) can help you survive the hardest days.

There’s no right way to remember them: rituals, silence, photos, or journaling can all be healing.

You don’t have to carry this alone: support groups, grief counselors, and online communities exist for exactly this kind of loss.

Grief isn’t a stage—it’s a mix of emotional layers.

You’ve probably seen the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. They’re a helpful framework, but they don’t capture the full picture of pet loss.

Grieving a pet is layered. You’re not just losing an animal. You’re losing a daily routine, a source of comfort, and a part of your identity. You might feel guilty for making “the decision,” or ashamed that you’re grieving this hard “just” for a pet.

The emotional mix can look like:

• Relief after caring for a pet that had a long illness, followed by crushing guilt
• Numbness for weeks, then sudden tears at the sight of a leash
• Feeling silly for mourning when others around you “don’t get it”

Recognizing that grief is layered not staged, gives you permission to feel multiple things at once. And that’s not just normal.

Why is the loss so hard?

One reason pet loss hits so hard is because your dear pet was so woven into your everyday life.  For example, I joke that my dad didn’t sleep at the end of my bed by my feet, and didn’t rely on me to feed him morning and night.

You lost the one who greeted you every morning, followed you from room to room, or curled up with you during hard times.

Some complicating factors can deepen grief even more:

• You had to make the euthanasia decision, and you’re second-guessing it
• You live alone and the house feels eerily quiet without them
• This was your “first loss”—you’ve never felt grief like this before
• Your friends or family don’t fully understand why you’re still grieving

Grief is often harder when there’s no shared language or space for it. And sadly, pet loss is still one of the most under-acknowledged forms of grief.

That doesn’t mean it matters less. It means you may need to create your own rituals and support systems.

The Kind of Support You Need Depends on Who You Are

Most advice around grieving a pet tries to apply to all pet owners, but the reality is that grief isn’t one-size-fits-all.

Your age, personality, family structure, and lifestyle all shape how this loss feels, and what kind of support is most helpful.

If you’re a parent helping a child grieve

Children process grief differently than adults. They may ask blunt questions, repeat the same concerns, or appear to bounce back quickly, only to fall apart later.

Here are a couple of ways to support a grieving child:

• Let their questions guide the pace. Kids may circle back to the loss again and again. That’s not regression. It’s how they make sense of it.
• Create rituals together. Drawing pictures, making a memory box, lighting a candle — these small acts can make the loss feel more real, and more shared.

If you’re currently struggling with how to talk to your child about what happens when a pet dies, we wrote a guide specifically for that conversation: How to Tell a Child Their Pet Died. It walks you through what to say (and what not to), with tips tailored by age and emotional maturity.

Children over age 5 often understand more than we expect. What they need most isn’t a perfect explanation, but reassurance that they’re safe, heard, and not alone in their sadness.

If you’re grieving alone

Some losses feel especially deep. Maybe your pet was your daily companion, your emotional anchor, even your best friend. When no one else shared that connection, grief can feel isolating.

You may feel:

• Like the only one who truly understood how special this bond was
• Unseen, because others don’t grasp the depth of the loss
• Pressured to “move on” before you’re ready

What can help:

• Document the details. Write down memories while they’re fresh, even the tiny ones. The way they blinked when they were sleepy. How they knew when you were sad. These are the details we forget first, but they hold so much love.
• Seek out people who get it. Not everyone will understand, and that’s okay. But talking to others who’ve experienced pet loss through support groups, forums, or even friends. This can help you feel seen.
• Give yourself permission not to replace them. Some people get another pet right away. Others need a long time. Don’t let anyone else’s timeline define yours.

How to Move Forward When Nothing Feels Comforting

There’s no rushing this process.

Sometimes, everything feels empty after the loss of your pet. That’s okay. You don’t need to force yourself to “get over it” or feel better right away.

Start with the basics

Pet grief is not just emotional, it can also take a toll on your physical and mental health. And when you’re overwhelmed, the basics matter more than ever. You don’t need to overhaul your daily routine – practice self-care, and do it one step at a time. Try:

• Taking a warm shower or hot bubble bath
• Drinking a full glass of water or enjoy another favorite beverage
• Eating something nourishing, even if it’s just toast
• Stepping outside for a few minutes of sun or fresh air – being in nature can be extraordinarily and surprisingly rejuvenating
• Lying down for a short rest, even if you can’t sleep
• Meditating
• Exercising

These aren’t “solutions.” They’re small ways to help your nervous system settle and offer a little steadiness during a difficult time.

Talk if it helps

The grieving process can be incredibly isolating, especially if others don’t fully understand the depth of the special bond you shared.

If you feel like talking, reach out to someone who understands what you’re going through: a friend who gets it, a fellow pet lover, a family member, or a pet grief support professional. Talk about your pet’s life, the happy memories, the routines you shared, and even the moment you said goodbye. This can help process the emotional burden you’re carrying.

If you’d rather keep your pain private, that’s okay too. Silence is not a sign of weakness or avoidance. You don’t owe anyone proof of how deeply you loved your pet.

Grieve in your own way, at your own pace

There’s no right way to grieve, and no timeline you need to follow.

Some people build photo albums or plant a tree. Others create private rituals, like writing letters or lighting candles. And many are now creating digital memorials, like posting on social media (Meta, Instagram, TikTok…), writing a tribute publicly, or sharing stories in forums like Reddit.

Your grief may show up quietly in some moments and all at once in others. Let yourself feel what you feel without rushing to fix it.

Remember that you’re not alone

If your grief feels too big to carry alone, there are places to turn to. Pet bereavement counseling and support groups can be your safe space to help you get through the grieving process.

Consider reaching out to:

• Pet loss support groups, one we recommend is The Association for Pet Loss & Bereavement (APLB)
• Grief hotlines like Crisis Text Line text HELLO to 741741 and a trained grief counselor will respond to you 24/7.
• Online forums or communities where others share their stories such as Love, Baxter (https://lovebaxter.com/), a pet loss and end-of-life resource for pet parents.

Related Support

You might also find our other resources helpful:

• How Long Is Normal to Grieve a Pet? Understanding why pet grief can feel different from other types of loss and why your timeline is valid.
• How to Tell a Child a Pet Has Died: Tips on talking to children about pet loss in a clear, compassionate way.
• When to Get a New Dog After Losing One: Guide questions to help you decide if you’re ready for a new pet after the loss.

Let your grief unfold in its own way. It means you loved deeply. And that love, even in its ache, still matters.